A long silence night

Tonight as usual, after an hectic day of work, I went out with my dear gf.
we had a conversation that sound like such:-

She:- Why didn't we go travel like your brother? They fly together
Me:- .....
She:- Are you listening?
Me:- Yes, but we have no money and planning for marriage ma.. (excuses as always)
She:- .... (without hesistatation) We had 5 pathetic years of courtship
Me:- ........ (A silent night)

I did some "soul" searching online and came across the definition of pathetic:-
1: having a capacity to move one to either compassionate or contemptuous pity
2: marked by sorrow or melancholy : sad
3: pitifully inferior or inadequate
4: absurd, laughable

We are always able to accept the fact that we could not perform or flare well at work.
Every year end, i will always expecting my boss to review my performance for one full year.

But have i reflect how do i flare as a boyfriend? Or have i done my part as a husband-to-be?
I do not want to be a laughable material(the last definition of pathetic), neither do i want to be sorrowful one.

I have to change... for better... in this long silence night...
If we expect assessment in work place, so must we expect assessment in relationship as well.

Food for my thoughts....